Getting the Sex You Want by Tammy Nelson L.P.C

Author:Tammy Nelson, L.P.C.
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Rockport Publishers
Published: 2008-03-25T16:00:00+00:00

A Catalyst to Move Fantasies into Action

Moving fantasies from the imagination end of the spectrum to the action end of the spectrum can be a big leap for some couples. It might be very comfortable to have a fantasy that stays in the imagination. Perhaps you share this with your partner. Being clear with him or her that you are just sharing a fantasy is different than asking your partner to help live out that fantasy in real life.

Sometimes we need a catalyst to have our fantasies come to fruition. That catalyst might be anything that pushes us from curiosity to fantasy to action.

Many times we need a stimulus to help us act out our fantasies. A catalyst might mean being in the right place at the right time. Or it might mean our partner makes something happen for us that convinces us to move forward into action.

An example of this type of stimulus is reflected in the following couple’s case.

Anne came into my office complaining that her sex life was dull and unimaginative. She shared that she always had orgasms, but that she felt bored with sex and wanted to try something new with her husband, Tim.

Using the erotic curiosity exercises, she wrote down the things that she was curious about, the things she fantasized about, and the fantasies that she wanted to take into action.

Through this exercise she discovered that she was curious about dressing up in costumes and role-playing during sex. She always wondered how people made those things happen, and she was wondering whether she would have the energy and courage to present this curiosity to her partner.

She wrote down her thoughts and realized that she often fantasized about dressing up in a maid’s outfit. She thought about this for several days and nights, and fantasized about what it would be like to be waiting for her partner when he came home from work at night, wearing a black and white maid’s costume and holding a dustpan. She found herself turned on by these fantasies. Anne then decided she wanted to take this fantasy into action. But, she wasn’t sure she could make it happen on her own.

She shared her fantasy with her partner, Tim, and using the dialogue process he was able to mirror, validate, and empathize. Still, Anne couldn’t move her fantasy into action. She was delighted that Tim could talk about it with her, and for a while that added a new energy and enthusiasm to their lovemaking.

One day she came home from her job and found on her bed a maid’s outfit, complete with feather duster and dustpan. The skirt was short, and there was a ruffled apron and a tight top with a name tag that said “Anne” pinned to the front.

This was the catalyst she needed. She was able to put on the costume and play the part of the maid, and she waited for her husband to come into the bedroom that evening, where she was dressed in costume and able to act out her fantasy.

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